


Why we can't have nice things

by DigiConjurer



Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [49]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Caspar dad is an asshole, Don't let Linhardt bartend, Ever - Freeform, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, Flashback, Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Send Hugs, Table throwing, Underage Drinking, chapter 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23387944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigiConjurer/pseuds/DigiConjurer
Summary: In which punishment is rendered on Caspar and Linhardt, but that isn't what they need right now.
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez/Linhardt von Hevring
Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [49]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1463725
Kudos: 7





	Why we can't have nice things

I don't own fire emblem.

* * *

With that mess out of the way, we leave the weekend and head into the regular week. Normally this meant class, but not today. Byleth had something else in mind.

So here she was, standing in front of the door to Linhardt’s apartment. If luck was somehow on her side for this, she would find both boys within. If not, she would just drag Caspar over to punish both of them. Or worse, have to go to Caspar’s apartment and talk to both of them.

Knocking on the door, the professor waited for a response. Though, I don’t think ‘Shit, Shit, shit.’ is adequate. So Byleth did the natural thing - phase right on through the door. Which I’m fairly certain is in total violation of privacy. But we’re willing to look past that for the moment. Especially with the state of this apartment. It looked as if a tornado had tore through the entire place with little remorse. A mix of both Linhardt and Caspar’s clothes covered nearly every surface, with books and other academic materials thrown in for good measure. Yet, that doesn’t entirely explain why there’s two suitcases in the middle of being packed. You two aren’t going to just fly the coop in the hopes of avoiding a storm that is Count von Aegir. Seriously, are we really going to have another Count trying to cleanse the evils of homophobia. Wifey probably wants a friend, but still.

As for our two idiots, they were thankfully clothed. Though Caspar was currently running around like a chicken with his head cut off… for some reason.

“Oh… Professor.” Linhardt greeted, grabbing Caspar and setting him down on the bed. “You’ve caught us at the worst possible time.”

Byleth rolled her eyes. They had a couple days heads-up to at least clean their room and at least appear presentable. But that wasn’t counting outside forces at the moment.

“I still have to punish you two for that stunt.” Byleth explained as she grabbed a chair. But not before shaking off the various clothes covering it. “Though, you could explain why you’re all so skittish at the moment.”

Caspar looked away, what looks to be his phone coming out. He gives it a quick glance. Then it’s time to throw it up against the wall. Somehow, the device is still in one piece. I doubt that was the intention though. No, he very clearly wanted to dispose of that device. I can only hope that he has an extra on hand.

“Remember the photo that bandit took?” Caspar explained, getting a nod from his teacher. “Well, Count von Aegir is having a meltdown.”

That’s definitely not good. Sure, it’s nothing on the level of Count Varley. But I doubt anything could possibly be on the level as that fucker. Right? He set quite a high bar. There’s no possible way that someone could really reach above and beyond that.

“Uh… what does that have to do with you and Linhardt?” Byleth countered and got a sigh in return from Linhardt of all people. Taking a deep breath, it was now his turn to bring out his phone. Swiping up, what looks to be some kind of social media is displayed.

CountVonAegir: My fellow Lords, we must disavow those that believe in same sex marriage. Especially starting with our own children, who have been tempted away from the proper

CountBergliez: Absolutely! You said it.

CountVestra: Really? Can’t you two go five fucking minutes without me having to get in the middle of it all.

CountHevring: No one asked you to do so.

CountVonAegir: That’s beyond the point. I would appreciate all the help in this operation.

You know what, Caspar? You’re absolutely in the right mind to just fling your phone into that wall. Though, if that was your dad’s main source of communication, that would’ve been even better at the moment.

Yet, Byleth took a deep breath. Sure this is quite nearly on the same level as Count Varley. Maybe. Though, Count Varley was also dumb enough to think that seiging Gareg Mach was a wonderful idea with no consequences whatsoever.

“That’s it? You’re just going to flee the academy then?” Byleth remarked, glaring right down on her two students. While she sort of understood how they felt in this moment, this behavior seemed to fly in the face of everything she knew about then. “Where were the Caspar and Linhardt who decided it was a good idea to steal Mercedes’s fancy vehicle?!”

Her words ring out, Linhardt’s gaze already on his boyfriend rather than the professor right now. Sure, he was just a passenger for that malicious trick. But, he could’ve easily convinced Caspar to just turn the vehicle around.

“Caspar’s dad is not the nicest man.” Linhardt croaked out and gave Caspar a slight tap. In turn, the fighter’s gaze returned to Byleth. “Neither is my father really…”

.

Today is supposed to be a very special day for this boy. A sweet ‘fifteen’, the result of him going to be sent away before a proper sixteenth birthday could really happen. But inside, the boy is scared out of his mind. How exactly would 

“It’ll be alright.” his friend whispers, hands held tightly. While they wouldn’t admit it, they wanted the boy to be at ease. At least till this day was over. “No matter what happens, I’ll stand at your side.”

His remark got a look from the birthday boy. Not that it was really necessary for the moment. This was bound to go smoothly. If not, they would think up a new plan.

“Even when you’re asleep?” they counter, giving their friend a slight shake just in case. Sure, their naps were sporadic at best. But when one did start, it was quite hard to rouse him from his slumber. Which was always at the worst possible times.

As for the room that the pair were standing in, that would be the spot in which the festivities would occur. Hopefully. Especially since this is the moment that both boys' parents come in. None of them look too happy.

“Mom, dad, there’s something that I need to tell you.” the birthday boy announced and cleared his throat. Tightening his grip, the words come right out. Grip tightening on that of the person they love, the table comes flying far faster than either boy is expecting it too. Even with a wind spell heading towards it. Even cutting it in half, this projectile came far too close for comfort. Especially as his friend’s father decided that fists were the best solution for this problem and their mothers ran over to protect them.

The rest is a blur after that. In between tears and a headache of the boy, revenge was swirling in his friend’s mind. Okay, not quite revenge but something that was just as good. All it took was just getting into the father’s liquor stash and pulling up memories of a long ago read book on cocktail mixing.

The results were less than perfect. It was more a matter of making sure that the birthday boy had some sort of happy memory. Drinking age be damned.

“So let me get this straight.” Byleth remarked, taking a deep breath. Just one more fire to be dealt in this inferno. Especially since it all meant having to check in with more people to find out their problems. Not that listening was really bad. “You got your boyfriend drunk in the hopes that he would have one nice birthday memory?”

Linhardt nodded. That isn’t really something to be proud of though. Especially when you’re not old enough to drink.

“Pretty much.” the scholar remarked, watching Byleth get up at the moment. While they definitely weren’t off the hook, he did hope this did provide an adequate explanation.

**Author's Note:**

> Believe it or not, this is my 100th work on A03. Yes. 100 works. A lot of which are the result of Princess Byleth and it's continued popularity.
> 
> As for the fiftieth entry into Princess!Byleth, we head to Embarr and chew some old people out. Because there's definitely going to be a change in management.


End file.
